Macaulay Culkin recently reprised his role as Kevin McCallister from the Home Alone franchise in an online short that explores the character’s struggles as an adult.
Haunted by his Christmas abandonments and thwarting off would-be intruders, Harry and Marv, it is clear that the grown up McCallister has been carrying some emotional baggage.
But what about the burglars; what would their lives look like now? Presumably, they would be suffering from chronic pain associated with the significant injuries they sustained 25 years ago, assuming they survived.
To see what Marv and Harry might have experienced, I consulted with Dr. Yunni Jeong to get her expert medical opinion on the real-life consequences of Kevin’s booby traps.
Marv is hit by a falling iron (Home Alone)
In this sequence, Marv likely suffered whiplash because he was already extending his neck upwards when he was looking up to see what his pulling of the cord had triggered. It is unlikely that the iron was plugged in so it was probably not very warm, which leads us to believe that the burn he sustained in the film was unrealistic. The force of the iron was probably enough to break his nose, but not cause any other significant facial fractures.
Harry’s head is blowtorched (Home Alone)
At this point in the film, Harry has already significantly burned his hand on the door knob and now suffers third-degree scalp burns as a result of this encounter. He’d be enduring serious pain, blistering, swelling and sloughing of his skin. This is possibly the most excruciating injury that either of the duo endure. It’s possible that treatment of this injury would have required debridement (removing sick tissue to expose healthy tissue) and/or skin grafting. Harry would have had to make frequent trips to the prison burn ward for months as his injury healed.
Both are hit by paint cans and fall down the stairs (Home Alone)
This is perhaps the most quintessential Home Alone booby trap. Both intruders are likely to have suffered facial fractures and vertebral fractures with possible pelvic fractures in the fall down the stairs. Depending on the height of the stairs, both could have also suffered rib injuries and/or internal injuries ranging from pulmonary contusions and splenic, liver, and renal (kidney) lacerations. If this happened in real life, Harry and Marv probably wouldn’t have been able to continue the break-in as they would not have been able to walk due to broken bones and/or paralysis they could have sustained. Once again, this is an injury that would have required weeks and months of recovery time.
Marv is pelted by bricks (Home Alone 2: Lost in New York)
This is Marv’s first significant injury in the second movie and likely would have been his last. Given the height of the building, he would have suffered severe facial fractures and some intracranial hemorrhaging. It’s very possible that Marv would have died as a result of these injuries. If we assume he lives, as the film suggests, he would have been dealing with a severe concussion, loss of consciousness and possibly falling into a coma. Odds are he did not escape this injury without long-term neurologic deficits.
Both fall from burning rope (Home Alone 2: Lost in New York)
After luring the robbers down a rope soaked in kerosene, Kevin lights it on fire which causes Harry and Marv to fall to the ground below. After the impact, dozens of varnish cans fall all over their bodies. This incident would cause what we term multi-system fractures, including spinal/vertebral and pelvic fractures, plus significant internal injuries. Both could have been at serious risk of paralysis, significant neurological trauma, loss of consciousness and outright death. If both survived, they would not have been able to continue the pursuit.
Conclusion
After escaping from prison, the criminals would probably be recovered from the injuries sustained in Chicago (in the first “Home Alone”), but could have been dealing with some residual trauma. By the time they encounter Kevin in New York (in “Home Alone 2”), his booby trapping became significantly more lethal and undoubtedly put them at risk for greater injury and death.
Had they survived each of these examples, the types of injuries Marv and Harry sustained following their failed home invasions would likely have left them both struggling with psychological issues and perhaps even post-traumatic stress disorder. Given the condition of some prisons in the United States, it’s unlikely they would have received top-notch medical care in order to avoid long-term physical and neurological problems.
The lesson here? Crime doesn’t pay. So, Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Mike Commito is a policy analyst at Northern Policy Institute and writes the column “History ‘n’ Hockey” for Northern Life. Dr. Yunni Jeong was raised in Sudbury and completed her medical degree at the Northern Ontario School of Medicine. She now resides in Toronto as a surgical resident at the University of Toronto.
