BY HEIDI
ULRICHSEN
Fourteen candles lit in memory of young women who died
violently glowed behind Donna Chuipka as she shared her
experience as a domestic abuse survivor at the Sudbury Women's
Centre Wednesday.
Her police officer ex-husband, Robin Chuipka, was found guilty
last spring of assaulting her repeatedly throughout their
relationship and eight-month marriage. He was sentenced to nine
months in jail and resigned from the Greater Sudbury Police
Service.
Donna was brought in as the guest speaker for the National Day
of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women, which
marks the day in 1989 when 14 women were shot and killed by
Marc Lepine at l'Ecole Polytechnique de Montreal.
She had some words of advice for women involved in abusive
relationships.
"You can't change somebody. Don't think you're staying in an
abusive relationship because you think you can make somebody
better. They have to make that choice," she said.
"You can only make the choice that you have to look after
yourself. You have to do what's in your best interest, and you
have to get out."
Donna, 44, met her future husband shortly after she moved to
Greater Sudbury to take a nursing job here.
Chuipka, who is a mother of two adult children, said ironically
her first meeting with Robin was linked to tragedy.
There was a death in her family and Chuipka was one of the officers sent out to investigate.
"He (Robin) reached out to me. People look at me funny, but he
has a lot of good qualities. I didn't marry him because he was
an abuser. I married him because I loved him with all my heart
and soul," she said.
"We began to date, and I did see quite a few red flags. He had
two ex-wives, and they were not able to speak to each other
even over their own children, which I found very strange,
because usually our children are the most important people to
us."
Robin had a drinking problem, she said, and she convinced him
to seek counselling. The couple were married Nov. 29, 2003, and
the abuse started shortly afterwards, said Donna.
"I honestly believed I was going to die at his hands. I didn't
think he was going to do it intentionally. It's just there was
such an anger and rage in him. When it went off, it was just
uncontrollable," she said.
"Finally, he got charged and we went through the whole
system."
At one point, she hid Robin's service revolver because she was
concerned for her own safety.
"Given the fact that I was with a police officer, you can
understand the fact that I didn't know where to go or where to
turn," she said.
"At the end of the day, I almost felt like I was the criminal.
He (Robin) made me feel like I was a criminal again in court.
Throughout the whole process you feel like you are the person
that is the bad guy."
Donna said she doesn't want to cast all police officers in a
negative light because she realizes most are good people.
She plans to continue to speak out about violence against
women.
Sudbury Women's Centre co-ordinator Barb Garon told the 20
people gathered at the event that one Canadian woman is killed
every three days by a man who is known to her.
She then lit 14 candles in memory of the women killed in the
Montreal massacre and asked for a minute of silence.
"The young man (responsible for the Montreal shootings)
intended that the massacre would stop the advancement of women
in Canada and other parts of the world. But he was wrong. His
actions made many men re-think their actions towards
women."
Self-defence instructor Laura Hanninen gave a demonstration of
how to fend off an attacker.
"This is not about being a hero. It's about providing an escape
for yourself," she said.
Among other techniques, she showed the audience how to stop
somebody from choking you by striking hard just under their
Adam's apple.
