'This is something I wouldn't wish on anyone'

Breaking into sobs at times, 20-year-old Lacey Carroll told those gathered at a candlelight vigil Dec. 6 that her life has been a “living hell” for the past four years.

In May 2008, her father, Reginald Carroll, shot and killed her mother, Carolyn Kingwell Carroll, along with her mother's boyfriend, Mark Anthony Comeau, at the family's cottage on Thor Lake, north of Sudbury.

He was convicted of two counts of first degree murder in December 2009, and was sentenced to life in prison, with no chance of parole for 25 years.

Lacey spoke of how her father became controlling and jealous of her mother before she finally left him in 2007.

“He would listen to phone calls, and she could never be in another room while she was on the phone,” she said, speaking at a National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women event organized by YWCA Sudbury.

“He'd compare her to her friends, saying 'Why couldn't you be as skinny as so-and-so, and why can't we have a nice, clean house like your other friend.' He would call her belittling names. He was an alcoholic who would get drunk and threaten to kill her and cut up her face if she ever chose to leave him, so that nobody would ever want her.”

Despite these hardships, Lacey said her mother always had a smile on her face, and was a happy and jolly person.

“She was the type of woman who would go into the grocery store for a loaf of bread, and it would take her half an hour, because there were at least 15 people in that store she needed to chat up,” she said.

But behind Carolyn Kingwell Carroll's “beautiful smile was a lot of pain and hurt,” Lacey said.

She said her father is now appealing his convictions.

“I hope one day this will finally be over, and things will be at rest, so my mom can finally rest in peace,” she said.

The young woman urged those listening to her story to help other women escape abusive relationships.

“All I can hope for is that you tell them to speak up and get out,” Lacey said. “Do what you can, because this is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.”

The National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women commemorates the murder of 14 women at École Polytechnique in Montreal on Dec. 6, 1989, and provides an opportunity to reflect on violence against all women.

The shooter at Polytechnique specifically targeted women, stating he was “fighting feminism.”

After a moment of silence, YWCA executive director Marlene Gorman read the names of those who died that day at École Polytechnique, and invited those gathered at the event to add the names of other women who have died as a result of violence.

The N'Swakamok Native Friendship Centre drummers performed an honour song during the event, and deputy mayor Joscelyne Landry-Altmann proclaimed Dec. 6 Elimination of Violence Awareness Day.

While the École Polytechnique murders were a “hideously shocking” event, “the rage of gender-based violence is very familiar to women,” Gorman said.

“More than half of all females in Canada will experience violence at some point in their lifetime,” she said.

“Sometimes the assailant is a stranger, but most often the violence lies closer to home. Over the past decade, more than 70 women a year have been murdered by their partners or ex-partners. Annually, more than 25,000 women have reported they've been the target of a domestic assault.”

Gorman called upon the government to expand access to emergency shelters and affordable housing “for women locked in abusive relationships.”

“As a community, we must also join together to acknowledge and confront the factors that can contribute to violence against our sisters,” she said.

Posted by Heidi Ulrichsen