Have you ever wondered what makes some people happy all the
time and how their lives appear to be perfect? These people are
envied by many, but instead should be admired.
We all know someone like that - but do we really know them? We
all have challenges in our lives - finances, relationships,
work, kids and health. Do you really think that anyone has a
perfect life? If you do, you should really take another look.
It is not the situations we are in that determine our attitude;
it is how we respond to the situations. It also has nothing to
do with our personality types, outgoing or shy, aggressive or
passive, out-going, relaxed or a worrywart.
Psychologists have found, through research, there are more than
20 different characteristics that are admired in people, such
as integrity, loyalty and kindness, to name a few. These traits
are available in all of us, but for some people they come
naturally. Research tells us that these qualities support our
habitual responses to the world, therefore available to all of
us.
The bottom line is, it is a choice. Changing our behavior at
first feels awkward, just like starting a new job. For the
first six months you are in the training phase of a job,
working hard to impress the boss and colleagues, feeling like
you are training for a marathon every day. Then, once the
training period is complete, you are teaching the next newbie
how to do the job. What a great feeling that is.
Changing how you respond to someone or a situation will feel
just as awkward and difficult as that new job. Changing your
response and your negative thoughts to positive ones is just as
hard, although doable with dedication and time.
Pessimism squashes the positive traits that attract others
around you. Pessimists chose to find wrong in everyone and
every situation. This attitude deflects good people from you.
On the other hand, optimists look as though they have luck on
their side. They suffer less and get sick less often. When a
crisis strikes, they rebound quickly. They are liked and have
healthy relationships.
Psychologists believe that optimism is a learned behavior. To
understand optimism, one must understand what it is. It is not
being nauseatingly happy. (Start with smiling at people you
meet). It is more than that. It starts with goals and a
determination to achieve those goals. It also comes with seeing
all situations as a learning opportunity.
It also must be understood that your actions and reactions are
your own; no one is responsible for anyone's bad attitude but
his or her own. Pessimists are skeptical and fail to see the
positive in their lives. The optimists view challenges as
character-building and see the positive in their lives.
So the next time someone cuts you off while you are driving or
you see someone blow up in anger, decide not to engage. Smile
and see how differently you feel about the situation, do not
waste your time on someone else's negativity. Bad stuff finds
us all. However, it is our self-commitment that opens doors to
happiness. This is available to us all.
Tip for the day: write down all the positive outcomes in your
day. The more you acknowledge the positive, the more it will
appear. You are on your way to change to an optimistic life -
watch the changes that will take place.
Karen Hourtovenko RN(EC), is a health and wellness consultant from Sudbury who writes columns about healthy living for Northern Life.
