Remembering some ‘wonderful women’

For those of us who are mothers, it is nice to have one day to call our own.

For me, I tell my kids I want one day of peace, which usually means an afternoon alone to read a good book. What mothers really need is love from our children.

I am also a child of a mother, a grandchild of a grandmother and a friend of some amazing mothers.

Although Mother’s Day is supposed to be a time for remembering our mothers, that can be hard for many, too. For me, it is also a time of grief, remembering that I no longer have my mother or grandmother to love and spend special time with.

There are many women that may not have a good relationship with their moms and for that I am saddened. However, there are many wonderful women who can help you to grow and show you the way.

There are six special “mothers” I have lost, who have helped me to grow into the mother and woman I am. Even though I believe that our lives are about growing continuously into the best people we can, there are mentors to assist us on our life journey.

To start, my two great grandmothers, who lived to almost 100, taught me to have strength and believe in the roles we have to complete in this life. Both of them told me it was my job to take care of my mother, as she would need me in her life (you will see how that played out later). I was only 12 when they passed — that was more information then I knew what to do with.

My mom’s mother, Nana, as we called her, taught me compassion and love for all. She never seemed to get upset and just went with the flow. Her faith in God and love for life showed me that even in times of turmoil, peace is possible.

I was fortunate to have my Nana live with our family for the last five years of her life. She was so proud to tell all the nurses at the hospital over her last months that her granddaughter was going to be a nurse. Even at her sickest moments, she had peace.

Well, I did become a nurse, married and had children of my own. My mother, Marjorie, showed me that it was possible to do anything you wanted. She supported education and work, although not through as many words as her actions. She was a pianist, pipe organist, secretary and choir director — and a great cook and mom.

I lost my mom to cancer almost eight years ago; one year after my last child was born. I realized during that time, the reason why I became a nurse. I was able to nurse her, love her and take care of her to her end. It was the most amazing but devastating thing I have gone through in my life.

She was incredible. She continued to love her children and let them love her. I am so grateful that I was able to give her the love back that she so unconditionally gave us. She taught me grace and acceptance, and with her faith, she reinforced we would all be OK.

Two years later, I also watched my mother-in-law, Sophia, pass away; she was also an amazing woman. She immigrated from the Ukraine in the early 1950’s with her husband and one child.

With only the clothes on her back and a small trunk with their belongings, she came to a country where she knew no one and did not speak the language.

She taught me that nothing is too big to overcome, not language or fear, and smiling can be contagious. She was loved by all who knew her.

The last woman I want to pay tribute to is my friend, Janis — a mother of four amazing adult children, two of whom are amazing young women. In her last year, we spent much time together, talking about life and what is really important.

I was also able to nurse her when she needed me and just be her friend. Her fight was amazing and her love for her family remained. She was always making sure everyone around her was taken care of, even in her last days. Her grace and giving never ceased to amaze me. I am grateful to her family for having me in their lives, including her last days.

So, for those of you who have your mothers, spend time with them. For those who have lost their moms, remember to smile, because you are who you are in part because of your mom.

Have a great day, moms.

Karen Hourtovenko, RN(EC), is a health and wellness consultant from Sudbury who writes columns about healthy living for Northern Life.