Alanna LaHay was about to start her third and final year of the physical fitness management program at Cambrian College when a knock at the door would change life as she had known it forever.
“During the day, I was talking to my dad through text,” she said of August 6, 2016 at a talk she was giving for Wellness Week at Cambrian College, “I had gone home with my boyfriend to go watch a play with his grandparents and family, it was 'Mamma Mia.' It was pretty good.”
She had been asking her father what he was up to, and he told her he was going for a country tour: a drive through the country was something that he liked to do, and had often done. They checked in with each other as the day progressed. At dinner around 7 p.m., she let him know that she was having Chinese food.
Her father wrote, “Have fun, I love you.”
After a stop at a casino, at around 11 p.m. Alanna sent another text to her dad. “Hey dad, what’s up?” There was no response, which she said was normal, especially after her father had been out for a drive. When she got home 90 minutes later she wrote, “Hey dad, are you there?” Still, no response.
Alanna sent one last message at 1:15 a.m. “Hey dad, I hope everything’s ok. Please get back to me.” She had been accustomed to having her father write to say goodnight. Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock at the door.
“When I saw the flashlights shining in, I knew something was wrong,” she said. The officer told her that she needed to sit down. “He stayed for about two hours just talking to me and trying to console (me).”
The officer would become one of many people who have stayed close to Alanna through her grief, a process she calls “a lifelong thing."
Initially, she wasn't sure if she could keep up with her studies in September. She found many supports at Cambrian and understanding from her teachers, but it was the letter her dad left for her that kept her going.
Alanna's father wrote, “Keep doing the things that make your Mom and I so proud.”
“The thing he would have wanted me to do most was to complete my final year. He wouldn't have wanted me to change anything in my path. He was proud of me for the reason that I was always working hard and trying to achieve my dreams. “
Alanna struggled with emotional eating and indulged in alcohol more than she was used to in the year after he father passed. Sometimes, she had trouble focusing at school.
With the support of her boyfriend, family and counsellors, Alanna went on to complete her studies. In May 2017, she won the Female Recreation Leadership award from Ontario Campus Recreation. That same year, she was involved with Bell Let's Talk mental health events at Cambrian.
As part of Cambrian's Wellness Week this year, she shared the story of her loss in the library's “Zen Den”.
You can listen and watch her share all of her story, here:
Bell Let's Talk Day is recognized on Jan. 31 as an initiative for people to open up about mental health in the hopes of breaking down stigma. Every time someone sends a tweet or posts to social media using the hashtag #BellLetsTalk, five cents is donated by Bell to various mental health initiatives.
A year and a half after losing her father and her “best friend”, Alanna LaHay is now president of the Cambrian Athletic Association. A great success and responsibility for someone who couldn't be sure she could finish the program just over a year ago. She wishes her dad could have been there for her graduation especially. She says that self-care and taking time for herself has been integral to her well-being.
If you have experienced tragic loss, LaHay said you can get through your grief.
“You may feel a lot of pressure to heal. The thing that I really want people to know is that they need to talk," she said. "It's okay to talk. Talk to a counsellor. You can get through it, but it's going to be a lifelong thing.
“The best Bell Let's Talk Day to me is where it lasts all through the year.”
